As Morgan Tsvangirai was sworn in as Zimbabwe’s new prime minister in a power-sharing government, he told press “You guys need to chill the fuck out about Bobby, okay? Look we’ve all made mistakes, said stuff we shouldn’t have, executed one political dissident too many. Life’s too short to hold grudges though, eh?”

In his first day in office, Tsvingarai stated that he faced “Immediate challenges that require immediate remedies. Our currency is worth less then the air expelled saying the word “Hyperinflation” and our government is riddled with crooks that The Big M knows nothing about, seriously. And the air conditioning in my office sounds like two robots buttfucking.”