If your cat could describe you, how would it?

So if your cat became a "cat who lunched" or something and the conversation came around to their humans, how would your cat describe you?

Sophie: I dunno, tall.

Poppy: Warm armpits. Moves too much though. She's a bed hog.

Wants to cuddle me when I want to sleep. Won't stand still when I want to use her as scratchpost.

Monkey: Ahhh I don't like her, sure she helped me through my childbirth and she takes good care of the kittens but, she never let's us do it anymore.

Finnegan: "I am a blind cat, but I can still "see" that she is a very good person... that is, when she is not running around like a crazy woman .....!!"

Paco: "ALL I want is ONE freaking cat treat ....! What is wrong with you, lady...? Is food so scarce lately..?"

Tiger: "Why are there 3 other STRAY cats living here in this house..? Don't you think you have enough hair balls to clean up...?"

Paco: "Don't you love me anymore...?" *meoooow*