"You're not going to believe how many pig anuses the average hot dog contains."

"This bar used to be cool. Now it's mostly losers."

"I can see you're not one of those 'shallow' people who's super-concerned about appearance."

"It. Is. Nice. To. Meet. You. Human. Master. I. Am. Going. To. Speak. Like. A. Robot. For. The. Entire. Evening. Bloop."

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the guy who took the last Zima!"

"Tell me honestly: Do I look like a rapist to you?"

"Bulimia. Pro or con?"

"These look like lice, right? Apparently, they're just chiggers."

"They can quarantine me all they want, but I ain't wearing no face mask."

"I'm feeling a little crazy tonight. Anyone want to stage a Jonestown reenactment with me?"

"Hewwo. I'm vewy, vewy sad."

"I think you and I should put on Tron suits and pop a handful of these pink pills."

"I know what you're thinking, and yes, the picture on my profile was taken before the accident."

"What's your dream toothpaste?"

Jared Fogle. Yes, of Subway commercial fame."