Things that are shorter than Adam’s penultimate note: The Plain White T’s career, “Anne of Green Gables,” The Invasion of Iraq. Wow.

Paula said she feels like she’s watching the Olympics and he’s the Michael Phelps. So be careful there, Adam. Your destiny involves getting caught using a bong and then you’ll be romantically attached to a homophobic beauty pageant reject. (Somehow I doubt that last part will come true.)

And how the hell did Adam Lambert get mainstream America to embrace camp in such a major way??